Demand More From Yourself
Demand More From Yourself
Why Tough Love Is the Real Path to Self-Respect.
Image by annedehaas via Canva
There’s a softness spreading everywhere—and no one’s calling it out.
Everywhere I look, there’s advice to “be kind to yourself,” “take it easy,” “practice self-care.”
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a place for gentleness. But if I’m honest, we’re drowning in it.
We’re told to light candles and run baths, but no one tells us to get uncomfortable, to do the hard things, to actually build ourselves up from the inside out.
I’m not saying you should never rest. But I am saying—maybe we need to demand more from ourselves.
Maybe we need less bubble bath advice and more tough love. Not for anyone else, but for ourselves. For our own character. For our own self-respect.
I’ve always been a bit headstrong. Maybe it’s my fitness background, or maybe I’ve grown up with a certain discipline. I’ve never really fit into the “softer” mould.
Even now, after injury, when I’m not who I used to be physically, I still believe in showing up for myself. I still believe in doing what’s hard, even if it’s just walking when I’d rather stay still.
In truth, I’ve seen both sides. I’ve been strong and independent, and I’ve been knocked down by injury and forced to slow down.
But the lesson’s the same: you don’t build character by taking the easy route.
You build it by facing what you’d rather avoid. You build it by keeping promises to yourself, even when no one’s watching.
The Stoics knew this rather well:
Seneca said:
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labour does the body.”
They didn’t believe in dodging discomfort.
They believed in becoming unshakable—not by escaping life, but by stepping into it fully.
They didn’t just talk about virtue—they lived it, every single day, through raw action.
That’s what I want for myself, and honestly, for anyone reading this.
We keep thinking we have all the time in the world. We don’t. Life isn’t waiting for us to get ready. Time isn’t still so we can move whenever we choose.
If you want to show up as your best self—for your kids, your partner, your friends—you have to start now.
Not with another self-help book or a pretty morning routine, but by doing the small, hard things you’ve been putting off deliberately. By being a living example, not just talking about it.
You don’t need to be perfect. But you do need to be honest with yourself.
Not someday. Now.
It’s tempting to settle for comfort. It’s easy to make excuses, especially when you’re tired or hurting or just overwhelmed by life.
But ask yourself—who are you letting down when you do that? Who are you cheating? It’s not just about you. It’s about everyone who looks up to you, everyone you care about.
Self-care without self-respect is just self-soothing. This isn’t that.
So, maybe it’s time to demand more from yourself.
Maybe it’s time to step up, do the hard things, and let that shape you into someone you can actually respect.
Not perfect. Not always strong.
But honest. Real. Raw. Human.
Marcus Aurelius reminds us:
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
I’d say the same goes for women. Or anyone, really.
Stop thinking about it. Stop talking about it. Start living it. Even if it’s messy. Even if you’re new to it.
Especially then.
We need tough love, not because life is harsh, but because we’re capable of more than we think. And the world needs more people who are willing to prove it.
What You Can Actually Do (No Excuses).
Get out your paper journal. If you don’t have one, go buy one. No, your phone notes don’t count. Sit down and write out who you really are—no filters, no pretending.
List every excuse you keep making for yourself. Get brutally honest. If it stings, you’re probably on the right track.
1 Look at your physical health.
Not just how you look, but how you move, how you feel, how you handle stress. If you want to weather life’s storms, you need a body that can handle any weather.
Walk. Move. Carry your own bags. Stop outsourcing your strength.
Work on your mind, but not with gentle meditation apps and fluffy affirmations. Actually pause and reflect. Ask yourself the tough questions you’re good at dodging.
What are you running from?
What needs to change now?
What are you an expert at avoiding?
2 Strengthen your resolve.
Stop reacting to every emotional story or drama that comes your way. Let people have their opinions. You don’t need to attend every argument you’re invited to.
Practise restraint. Practise silence. That’s real strength.
And finally—show up for yourself every day. It doesn’t need to be impressive. It just needs to be real.
A reminder from Epictetus:
“How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself?”
Tomorrow’s strength is built today.
One choice. One action. One demand at a time.
Don’t wait. Start now.
With resilience,
Naz.
Thank you for reading.
If this piece resonated, you might enjoy Naz’s Notes—a weekly letter exploring growth, resilience, and the kind of timeless ideas that still shape how we live.